September 20th (The Journal of Darius Shackles)
I can barely sit up today; the groans are closing in on my position. I fear that I will be eaten before I die. I know that the day I die I'll become one of them; I just hope that I'll be rescued before that day comes. I've lost all hope of that happening now. I don't even have the strength to take my own life. I will become one of them it is inevitable there is nothing I can do about it. My senses lie to me at every turn all I can smell is berries and honey. I see flashes of her looking into my eyes like she used to in my dreams. I fear that it is my life passing before my eyes.
Its hard to write, but I'm compelled to write. I want to believe I'm dreaming like the people in my dreams tell me. Like today when this doctor came to me and we had this conversation. This is why I’m writing this entry. He was trying to explain what reality is. For the benefit of everyone else I wish that he was right.
The door flew open as usual and there stood the wretched beasts there were three this time. I was too weak to be frightened and shrink away. So, I simply waited for the dream to take over, or to die. The dream took over and I opened my eyes looking up at golden locks.
“He's awake doctor. Are you sure you want us to leave the room, he can be quite dangerous?” Her voice was cherubic it comforted me. I still needed her, but felt too weak to do anything.
“Yes, yes I'm completely sure. Go on you two; you're only making him uncomfortable.” His voice was strong it reminded me of my father. I suppose it was part of my subconscious trying to right the things of my past.
“Father, is that you? I need to tell you why I left? I'm not going to be here much longer, I'll return to reality soon and I want to set my heart straight.” I tried to force the answer I wanted so badly, but I never could control my dreams, very well.
“I am not your father, but I'm here to bring you back to reality. If setting your heart straight is what you need bare your soul to me, Darius.” his tone was fatherly, I couldn't imagine why I did these things to myself.
“I still miss mother. It’s been twenty years and I never forgave you for moving on. I just wanted to tell you I love you and I forgive you.” I chuckled weakly to keep back the tears; I was just too weak to cry. “I even found me a girl just like mom. You'd have liked her, but she's dead now just like you.” I talked to him like he was my father. It was a release that I had not known for what seems like ages.
“They are not dead. I am sure of this, everything you think is real is only a dream and to defeat that dream we must get you to accept that it is not reality.” the doctor seemed disturbed by my condition he kept looking over my decrepit frame. These dreams no longer offered a release from my physical condition.
“Then it is more real than reality, and my only hope is that I am insane. I pray that what has happened to the world was only a dream. That I would awake looking into eyes I once loathed. That the sky would open up beautiful and blue once more, but you are a dream and the world has died. It has withered to dust and the flesh of man is now denied life by the warm embrace of death. The flesh then awakes and hungers. It walks the earth consuming working to bring forth our inevitable extinction, while multiplying its wretched numbers beyond mankind's darkest fears. That, doctor is reality and you are a dream, now leave me. I can't stand the false hope that these dreams bring. Since, the only hope left for me is death and your false hope pains me more than the starvation.” I turned away as best I could, but did not have the strength to it. I could only turn a small amount and look away the best I could.
Out of the corner of my eye I could still see him look at me hopelessly. He then knocked on the door to call for his release. “I'm sorry that you have lost hope, but we're going to work on reversing that tomorrow.” The door opens and he walks out head hung low in defeat.
I awake to a room filled with my own refuse and a world filled with the refuse of God. I can write no longer if this is my last entry I am most likely dead.